Monday, November 8, 2010

This Post Got Me to Thinking...

A blog I follow, Secret Doors, made a very good evaluation of how I feel everyday. When you look in the mirror, what do you think of yourself? Do you think, "Ugh, I'm so ugly: I need to get a nose-job, or a chin-job, or even get your hair done?" I do. And apparently, so do others. I was honestly relieved to know that I wasn't the only one. It's a perceptual thing, I know.
Did you know that people with Anorexia Nervosa perceive themselves to look 20% larger than they really are? With the studies of psychologists, they have realized with tests that by taking an anorexic patient and letting them morph a photograph of themselves on how they see themselves, their body is 20% larger. Isn't that something? The way we look at ourselves is very how I see myself is not how others see me. But how do I get myself to "get" that?

I look at myself in the mirror every morning. This is what I think:
1) Ugh, look at my hair...people say my hair is beautiful, roots are coming in, and my natural color is a light brunette, which everyone loves, but I hate it. To me, my hair looks oily. My bangs don't fall in the right places (to me). My hair is too short (to me).
2) My eyebrows don't curve enough. I wish I had curvier eyebrows.
3) I have a double-chin!! Really? A double-chin? Ugh...
4) My body is too big... Look at my thighs, my arms, my butt... (But then again, when I see women in the 1940s or in old artwork, I appreciate my body because it is curvy in that way).
5) My right eye-lid droops lower than my left, ugh... but it makes me unique, right?

So I can see the good and bad in all of the "wrong" places about me, but why can't I see the good everyday? In different situations and clothing, I feel different ways. When I'm with my mom (who had the same body as me and was considered very pretty), or my boyfriend, I feel beautiful. I feel different from everyone else in a positive way.
But when I'm around the "popular kids" or the other really pretty girls, I feel ugly.
It also depends on clothes, too. This bothers me because I want to try new things, but when I get into them, I, I can't do this I'm too scared. So I end up in jeans and a tee-shirt. I want to overcome this.

Also, when I talked to my psychology teacher about the problems I had with this, I told her how I felt that "everyone stares at me and judges me." She told me that it was only in my head and that it wasn't reality. But why is it hard for me to get that through? I feel as if it is reality, you know?

Why does being a teenage girl have to be so complicated? :O

With the self-evaluation questions that Secret Doors posted, I will hopefully learn to overcome this negative outlook. I am not going to post the questions here, as they are hers and not mine.

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