So I've Decided That I'm...

Going to start vlogging now. For those of you who do not know what 'vlogging' is, it's basically like blogging, only you record yourself via webcam or any other portable video device. I bought my Webcam C110 from Wal-Mart today, and it is successfully installed so I am excited to start my very first vlog post today!
I'm probably going to start of with an introductory video, but I haven't a single clue how I'm going to go about this... I know what you're thinking, "How hard can it be to introduce yourself?!" Well, I just don't want to go on a rambling rampage of things that will probably scare off the viewers. So if you don't mind, I will be writing a few key-points and questions of what I'm going to say on video. Those of you who are just beginning to vlog can use this as well if they want. Ha.

1. My name... Duh, it's Audrey. I'm not going to give out my full name though.
2. Where I live? Nah, I'll just say I'm from the South. Maybe that I was born in Alabama.
3. What I like to do: Draw cartoons, write, read, listen to music, hang out with friends... Normal things. Oh, except for obsessing over insane asylums every single damn day and going onto Ebay wishing I had every single asylum postcard.
4. Describe my history: Ah... I might improvise on that. I might tell the viewer's that I was born with this serious disease called Hirschsprung's Disease and how the major thing that ended it all was a seizure. As I am religious though, I believe this was a miracle. It happened the same time I was being baptized. I might tell them that high-school was alright for me, as incredibly boring as that would be.. I didn't have any bullies, people liked me fine, I didn't get into fights (okay, there were a few exceptions, but nothing really dramatic happened).
5. My major accomplishments: Beating Hirschsprung's and heart surgery, winning various HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America) competitions, being in two school plays (one where I was the leading role), graduating high school... Wow, I'm a little boring.
6. I'm teaching myself how to play the piano? All I know is part of Moonlight Sonata from Beethoven, the first part of Chopin's Prelude in E-Minor Op. 28, No. 4, and my rendition of the guitar solo in Comfortably Numb. I'm still proud of myself though nevertheless. 7. I went to Athens, Ohio last summer (OH YEAH. I need to post those pictures). To see...guess what? An old insane asylum. The Athens State Hospital, ladies and gentlemen. I also went to Tuscaloosa, Alabama to see Bryce Hospital and Bolivar, Tennessee to see the Bolivar/Western State Hospital. Those are pictures I need to post as well..
8. My favorite movies: Anything that makes me think (with the exception of Austin Powers and Dumb & Dumber). I like movies such as A Beautiful Mind, The Others, Pearl Harbor, Titanic, Schindler's List, Girl Interrupted, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 1000's more. I love horror movies except for most violent ones. I'm more of a ghost, paranormal, psychological thriller type horror-movie-fan. I hate Hostel and Saw movies, they make me sick. My empathetic-self cannot handle those types of movies. I also do not like to see the insulin/electric shock therapy scenes in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, A Beautiful Mind, or Frances, but I make exceptions as they are more interesting to me than playing a torture game.
9. I'm very random? I know my bog says 'A Lotta Girl, A Lotta Style', but my blog is not a "fashion" blog. I love fashion though, don't get me wrong. I'm so random and disorganized, I hardly ever blog. I'm sorry for that. I'm also pretty nerdy. I love nerdy jokes. I'm terrible at math, but I can pick up a math joke so quickly that it's not even funny. How weird is that? Anyway... I'm secretly crazy. Except for those who notice my strange little ways and just stare at me. The only people who know about my insanity are my parents, my best friends, my boyfriend, and his family. It's more of an eccentric/quirky insanity more than it is a mental illness (also with a few exceptions.) << Is that grammatically correct?
"I'm so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying." Oscar Wilde Pictures via Pinterest

Have You Ever Felt You Had Just Gone...

Insane? I feel that way all the time. I think I need to see someone to talk to. I'm so anxious and I can't stop worrying. Never. It's impossible for me. I stay awake at night because so many thoughts run through my mind, and they make me worry even more because I'm not sleeping.
So many problems, so little time.
I get so nervous, I start shaking. I actually have little interest in social interactions (even blogspot). I get so nervous talking to people, and that shows in how I present myself to people. I am what you call the wall-flower. I have low-self confidence, and I usually keep my eyes averted downward. I want to change that though. It feels as if there's a bubble around me, and it's getting smaller as time goes on. I yearn for social relationships, but I avoid them because they scare me. I know, this doesn't really help my circumstances talking about this, but I need to get it out. No one cares about anyone else's problems, right? Haha.
It's shit like that that makes me so inverted.
I care about people's problems. I listen to people all the time. But it seems as if I don't matter to them. It's as if I'm just there for comfort, but I can't have any problems. It intimidates them. It makes them less secure. But I have problems too dammit!! I need someone to listen to me and to understand me.
I'm not going to go into any more detail about how I think I'm crazy, because I'd rather not talk about that. Hypocritical, right? HAHA!! I want to talk about my problems, but then again I won't!
I don't know what I want. I'm confused. I want this, but then I don't want that.
While other kids my age talk about celebs and movies and rap singers, I like to talk about the weather and the news and other things most kids don't know or care about. I feel so alone.
And when I become interested in something "cool" like fashion, no one wants to talk about it! Maybe I have more information about fashion than they do? Idk.
Facebook is a crock of shit, isn't it?
You have 500+ people who don't give a shit whether you're happy or not. They only want you to make themselves look more popular. I add a lot of people because I actually give a damn.
Sorry for the rambling...
no one cares anyways, right? haha