But this month, it's Epilepsy Awareness Month!
If you don't know what epilepsy is, it's a seizure disorder. I don't have epilepsy, but I became interested in it one day when I was looking through my mother's 1970s medical book. It seemed so alien, almost like schizophrenia, and I am attracted to that kind of stuff. I want to help people with epilepsy and schizophrenia, so I might go into medical research, I'm not quite sure yet though, you know?
Show your support on epilepsy and wear a lot of lilac/lavender!
Here's the link to the Epilepsy Foundation of America:
www.epilepsyfoundation.org
Anyways, have you ever felt like one day you knew exactly everything you were going to do, and then the next you have no idea? That's how I feel. Since I was 4-5 years old, I have always had my mind set up on the medical field. First, it was a "brain doctor", then when I was about 6 or so, I wanted to be a "kidney doctor" or a nephrologist. About 7th grade, however, I read about epilepsy and became fascinated with it! I decided from then on out I was going to be a neurologist. Then that changed from neurologist to neurosurgeon. Then to a neuroscientist. Something neurological anyways.
A couple of years ago was when I then set my mind on being an architect, but with still the intentions of being a neurosurgeron. I stayed on the internet all the time looking up old Victorian houses and abandoned buildings. I have always had a fascination on skyscrapers since September 11, 2001, and I thought that since I had a passion for it and I had good art skills (but my math skills suck, haha) I could be an architect! When I looked even further into my architecture exploration, I found abandoned insane asylums. Yes, that's where my newest obsession originated. Last year around this time to be in fact. I read more into these abandoned asylums, and it had a strong connection to my love of everything neurological. Except with a twist: psychiatry. Ever since then I want to be a psychiatrist and focus on schizophrenia and disassociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder).
Except, ever since I graduated from high school, I've been finding that I like other things too. I might want to be an artist, or a fashion designer, or a magazine editor, or a cosmetologist. Who knows?
That's the history of my exploration of career choices, and is it in no way ending soon :)
Also, instead of a picture of the day, I'm going to have a song of the day! Please, if you can, listen to the songs! Some you may like, some you may not like.
I also have an item of the week where I'm going to take pictures of something I have. Comments are appreciated!
What are your career plans? Are you still trying to make up your mind? Are you utterly confused?
::Song of the Day::
She Used To Be My Girl - The O'Jays
nail polish: estee lauder, photo: we<3it, lavender dress: charlotterusse.com
Insane? I feel that way all the time. I think I need to see someone to talk to. I'm so anxious and I can't stop worrying. Never. It's impossible for me. I stay awake at night because so many thoughts run through my mind, and they make me worry even more because I'm not sleeping.
So many problems, so little time.
I get so nervous, I start shaking. I actually have little interest in social interactions (even blogspot). I get so nervous talking to people, and that shows in how I present myself to people. I am what you call the wall-flower. I have low-self confidence, and I usually keep my eyes averted downward. I want to change that though. It feels as if there's a bubble around me, and it's getting smaller as time goes on. I yearn for social relationships, but I avoid them because they scare me. I know, this doesn't really help my circumstances talking about this, but I need to get it out. No one cares about anyone else's problems, right? Haha.
It's shit like that that makes me so inverted.
I care about people's problems. I listen to people all the time. But it seems as if I don't matter to them. It's as if I'm just there for comfort, but I can't have any problems. It intimidates them. It makes them less secure. But I have problems too dammit!! I need someone to listen to me and to understand me.
I'm not going to go into any more detail about how I think I'm crazy, because I'd rather not talk about that. Hypocritical, right? HAHA!! I want to talk about my problems, but then again I won't!
I don't know what I want. I'm confused. I want this, but then I don't want that.
While other kids my age talk about celebs and movies and rap singers, I like to talk about the weather and the news and other things most kids don't know or care about. I feel so alone.
And when I become interested in something "cool" like fashion, no one wants to talk about it! Maybe I have more information about fashion than they do? Idk.
Facebook is a crock of shit, isn't it?
You have 500+ people who don't give a shit whether you're happy or not. They only want you to make themselves look more popular. I add a lot of people because I actually give a damn.
Sorry for the rambling...
no one cares anyways, right? haha
About myself...
I feel as if I'm changing from being a nervous high-school kid into a secretly daring young adult, you know?
I want to try new things, I don't care what. When I was in psychology class, my teacher told us about the phases of our lives in which we wanted to experiment or we already knew who we were. Back then, I thought I knew who I was, you know? I was this pure, troubled, smart, tight girl who tried do dress her best. But now I'm beginning to feel that I need a change, and that I still need to search for what I can be. I'm still troubled because I'm scared of reaching out, but I'm also scared that if I don't take the chance, I'll regret missing it. I'm kind of dissapointed in myself because I thought I knew what I wanted and who I was, but I don't.
I want to try new food, try new experiences, try new clothes, try new everything! I'm scared I'll do something stupid though...
I'm such a worry-wart and I can never make up my mind on how I should think. Haha, but who does?
I'm ready to get out into life and experience new things and for people to just stop mentally limiting me on what I can and cannot do. Just because I'm a girl, just because I was born without a right hand, just because I'm short, just because I've never had the experience, and just because I'm young! For you adults, don't you remember when you were young? You wanted to experiment? I know most of you have grown wiser, but let us find out for ourselves what we want in life and how we want to get there. Please?
Another thing about my situation is that I live in a small town, and people tend to gossip and judge. Which in some ways, I don't care, but I also don't want to get myself into a place that will lose the respect of the people I care about.
I just don't know...
